It's good to laugh!

Someone sent me these and I thought I'd post them here ... it's good to remember there is humour in pregnancy and birth! And even in those sleepless weeks after ....

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
~Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Should I have a baby after 35?
~No, 35 children are enough.

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?~
Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
~Your therapist.

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
~With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
~‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
~So what’s your question?

Do I have to have a baby shower?
~Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
~When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
~Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
~Right after you find out your pregnant.

How long is the average woman in labor?
~Whatever she says, divided by two.

What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

What is colic?
~A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
~When the kids are in college.

... if MEN got PREGNANT!

~ Maternity leave would last for two years....with full pay.

~Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

~Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

~All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

~Children would be kept in the hospital until potty trained.

~They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

~They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

ha ha !